I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize