Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
