I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize