STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
