Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
