Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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