We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think my moral compass just broke
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
