Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
