he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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