Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
