don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
