guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
