I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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