I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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