Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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