my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
