just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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