I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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