I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
