Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
