Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
