he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize