Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
