How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
