i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
