did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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