yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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