i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
