Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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