you guys were way drunker than both of me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
