I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
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