it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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