Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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