He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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