My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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