Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
