you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
