and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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