Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
