She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
