oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
