If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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