She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
