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im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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