i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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