Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
