guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
