Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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