omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
