Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
