He disabled his match.com account in front of me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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