Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
