i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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