My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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