dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
