What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
