just come out here and I will go home with you...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
