Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
