bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
