in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
