i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
