Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
