I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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