anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize