U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
