life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
