im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize