I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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