Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
