I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
