My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize