please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is the high leading the old right now
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Found the puke drawer
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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