I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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