just come out here and I will go home with you...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He has the fingertips of a God
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
