you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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