I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
