Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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