Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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