you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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