i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
