we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
