Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
