Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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