i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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