so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
