i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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