Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
