question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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