why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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