I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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