We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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