im gay
i know
yea but for you.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
