Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
