Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
