You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
