I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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