i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
