Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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