So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
