My friends, they love my intelligence
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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