Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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