God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
