She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
