Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
