I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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