I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
