You smell like stripper and shame
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
