Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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